DREAMER

Bohong, Menutupi dan Menghindar itu sama gak sih? Banyak dari kalian bilang “itu sama aja”, tapi gue punya pandangan lain. Menurut gue itu beda, beda tipis. Ya contoh sederhananya, kaya warna aja, intinya itu warna biru, tapi ada biru muda, biru langit, biru laut, biru tosca (some people said hijau tosca), biru dongker, navy, biru tua, dark blue, etc. Mereka berbeda satu sama lain bukan? Bohong itu adalah saat lo tidak mengatakan kebalikan dari apa yang terjadi. Kondisi: lo kentut dan bau, trus temen lo nanya “lo kentut ya?”, dan jawaban lo “enggak kok, bukan gue”. Jelas itu bohong. Menutupi itu adalah saat lo sampe rumah, orang rumah nanya “dari mana?” dan elo jawab “dari kampus” padahal abis dari kampus, lo sempet mampir ke mall buat nonton atau shopping, tapi lo gak ngasih tau mereka. Lo hanya memberitahu apa yang ‘biasa’ kalian lakukan supaya orang rumah gak berpikiran buruk. Tapi ada kemungkinan lo akan jujur atau bohong saat ada lanjutan pertanyaan “abis dari kamp...

Teruntuk kalian yang pernah saling membahagiakan, Terima kasih untuk segala suka duka, lara bahagia serta luka dan cinta yang pernah kalian bagikan sehingga kami disini dapat bertemu dengan pribadi kami yang sekarang, pribadi yang saling melengkapi, pribadi yang sudah banyak belajar dari pengalaman manis maupun pedih. Terima kasih sudah memberikan peluang kepada kami untuk saling bertemu, mengenal dan saling menyembuhkan satu sama lain. Terima kasih. Namun, Egois kah kalian jika dalam proses kami saling membahagiakan dan menyembuhkan, kalian hadir hanya sekedar bertanya “Enakan jaman ku toh?”, apa kalian seorang politikus? Tidak tahukah kalian jika satu pertanyaan yang emosional dapat membangkitkan berjuta memori yang sudah terkubur dalam? Bahkan, tanpa pertanyaan kalian pun, pasti memori itu akan datang sesekali, perlu kah kalian membantu membangkitkan memori itu? Ini sudah bukan masa kalian lagi, masa kalian sudah lewat, tolong jangan gunakan black campaign untu...

Some people are lucky enough to do what they love. And some people (have to) try harder to love what they do, just to survive, because the last man standing is the survivor. Choose a life path is never easy. You love what you do now, but you don’t have a chance to raise your dream, you cannot live you life fulfil. You enjoy it, you love and happy, but you know you dying and will sinking in life if stay. Live in this world full of price tag and brand not as easy as loving something. Or You do what you can do even that’s not your love the most, but you have a chance to raise your other dream and you can live fulfil. You will die cause of bored, but you can live as well with chasing dream and time and of course the benefit as fit. As desperate as me now. I will take second chance. Maybe what they say is right, I have no heart or my head is bigger than heart, that I’m so materialistic and selfish. I don’t mind if I’m hurt or dying inside as long as I get paid as well, as long I can reach m...

when you need to prove something, and what you think is true, you feel relieved, you proud to yourself because you’re right bout what you’re thinking. But… In same time, You feel guilty to someone, you hurting the person you need the most just because your high ego. Your ego, your stubborn make it you a ‘breaker’. Was be a victim, then become a offender. In one side, I love myself, I feeling proud to torture the antagonist when I was a victim. And you know you don’t leave anything behind, so you have no alibi to looking back or back to that situation. And you know, you always right bout your thought. You didn’t have to feeling guilty to him, you know you’re right the time you quit and close the door, the time you moving forward. You right and just go your life now. But… In other side, I feel guilty to hurting someone, someone I need the most, my cure. I know I become the antagonist when I hear his voice and I don’t need to looking to his eyes to say “fuck...

Sometimes, I got random thought in street when I go to work. “Why I have to wake up in the morning and go to office, I can work from home or anywhere?” “Why I feel they (office) dont treat me well? Dont give any suit compensation?” “Why I have to looking for other corporate/office to fit what I wants?” And I find the answer of own. First, cause you can’t get anything you want, that’s life, the big great joke. If you wanna be ordinary, you have to follow the rules. But if you wanna do whatever you want, you create your own rule and you will get your own risk, by yourself. And I realize, I have no power or preparation or even money to had my own path, own way, I dont have any brave like that, yet . And the answer for the second and third questions is same... Because we are human. Looking for fittable job and salary, just like looking for partner in life, like looking perfect lover. Being in office, just like being in relationship. There’s take and give, and when ...

We knew each other since 2009, he was my (not so) childhood friends, we supposed to be elementary friends, but to be honest, I didn’t know him at the time. We met four years later after elementary graduation, in some elementary reunion, but nothing happen. We just say ‘hey’ then stick around in each other place, we never get closer, we just a stranger with “long lost friends” label. Maybe we meet several times in several reunion and texting several times, but it doesn’t change anything. We have our own adventure of love, he with his girlfriend-s, crush, or girls around him. And me, I have some adventure too, from the player, the good boy, the jerk until the one I think is my true love, the one I think is my last. We have a history who made us like we are now. Then…. After our own upside down of love, We met six months ago, nope, he found me full of agony – dying in hospital bed, bloody fucking bleeding because of the game I come into, and that’s a shame for me to look so wea...

Monsters and ghosts are real, they don’t lie under your bed, they live inside us, inside our mind, and sometimes they win. Midnight thought always scare me, it makes me feel silly and foolish. When you can’t sleep and your mind have a tons of random thought, your flashback memories or your wishes. But the hardest is flashback memories. Your family (all mistakes and ‘what-should-have-to-be) Your friends (losing them) Your ex (what you did to them and what they did to you) Even yourself (hurt yourself and cannot forgive) Happy memories could make you cry cause you can’t take it back, cause the people was gone, cause you can’t fix anything, cause its better like that. Sad-Hurt memories that make you hard to breath, even tears can’t makes anything better, cause the scars always be scars and even time cant heal that. And the worst of the worst is… you can’t forgive yourself cause let them happened. You can’t forgive yourself cause you do nothing when it happens that time....