Postingan

work life

Sometimes, I got random thought in street when I go to work. “Why I have to wake up in the morning and go to office, I can work from home or anywhere?” “Why I feel they (office) dont treat me well? Dont give any suit compensation?” “Why I have to looking for other corporate/office to fit what I wants?”
And I find the answer of own. First, cause you can’t get anything you want, that’s life, the big great joke. If you wanna be ordinary, you have to follow the rules. But if you wanna do whatever you want, you create your own rule and you will get your own risk, by yourself. And I realize, I have no power or preparation or even money to had my own path, own way, I dont have any brave like that, yet.
And the answer for the second and third questions is same... Because we are human.
Looking for fittable job and salary, just like looking for partner in life, like looking perfect lover. Being in office, just like being in relationship. There’s take and give, and when you feel you give more a…

F!

We knew each other since 2009, he was my (not so) childhood friends, we supposed to be elementary friends, but to be honest, I didn’t know him at the time. We met four years later after elementary graduation, in some elementary reunion, but nothing happen. We just say ‘hey’ then stick around in each other place, we never get closer, we just a stranger with “long lost friends” label. Maybe we meet several times in several reunion and texting several times, but it doesn’t change anything. We have our own adventure of love, he with his girlfriend-s, crush, or girls around him. And me, I have some adventure too, from the player, the good boy, the jerk until the one I think is my true love, the one I think is my last. We have a history who made us like we are now. Then…. After our own upside down of love, We met six months ago, nope, he found me full of agony – dying in hospital bed, bloody fucking bleeding because of the game I come into, and that’s a shame for me to look so weak. He walk into…

2am-midnight Thougth

Monsters and ghosts are real, they don’t lie under your bed, they live inside us, inside our mind, and sometimes they win.
Midnight thought always scare me, it makes me feel silly and foolish. When you can’t sleep and your mind have a tons of random thought, your flashback memories or your wishes. But the hardest is flashback memories. Your family (all mistakes and ‘what-should-have-to-be) Your friends (losing them) Your ex (what you did to them and what they did to you) Even yourself (hurt yourself and cannot forgive) Happy memories could make you cry cause you can’t take it back, cause the people was gone, cause you can’t fix anything, cause its better like that. Sad-Hurt memories that make you hard to breath, even tears can’t makes anything better, cause the scars always be scars and even time cant heal that. And the worst of the worst is… you can’t forgive yourself cause let them happened. You can’t forgive yourself cause you do nothing when it happens that time. You can’t forgive yourse…

Back To You - Louis Tomlinson feat Bebe Rexha

I know you say you know me, know me well But these days I don’t even know myself Yeah, so you can cut me up and kiss me harder You can be the pill to ease the pain Cause I know I’m addicted to your drama Baby, here we go again… Whoah, you stress me out, you kill me You drag me down, you fuck me up We’re on the ground, we’re screaming I don’t know how to make it stop I love it, I hate it, and I can’t take it But I keep on coming back to you…
Itu sekilas lirik lagu yang pernah gue update di sosial media. Makna yang gue tangkep dari lagu itu adalah, lo dipermainkan sama orang yang pernah hadir di kehidupan lo. Gue shock ternyata update lirik itu terlihat seperti… kangen mantan. Orang pertama bilang, “you looks stupid with that caption” Orang kedua bilang, “cie kangen mantan ya
Padahal…. Bukan kangen mantan, tapi kangen diri gue sendiri sebelum terkontaminasi sang mantan. I always say “help me for being monster he made me”, “Kok kayanya makin kesini gue makin kaya dia ya”, yeaahh cara berpikir gue, sam…

H.I.D.U.P

Sebenernya gue masih aktif nulis kok, banyak draft tapi gak berujung di posting, mungkin nanti satu-satu akan gue posting, dan (jika ada waktu senggang) gue akan benerin rapihin blog gue, gak akan lagi ada tulisan alay bertahun-tahun lalu. So, if you ask me why I’m here now? Gue juga bingung mau mulai dari mana, terlalu banyak hal yang gue hadapi, naik turun, berlika liku, belok belok, puter balik, upside down, ya pokoknya berantakan deh. Dengan anehnya kehidupan gue, gue belajar banyak hal, sangat banyak, lebih banyak daripada 12 tahun wajib belajar dan 4 tahun kuliah, pelajaran hidup itu.... greget! Gue belajar akan namanya kenakalan masa muda dan bagaimana gue harus memperbaikinya, gue belajar mengakui kesalahan dan meminta maaf, gue belajar namanya memafkan dan yang paling sulit adalah memaafkan diri sendiri, gue belajar menerima kenyataan bahwa semua gak bisa seperti apa yang kita mau, bahwa bertahan gak selalu yang terbaik, dan berani melangkah walau lo gak bisa melihat apapun did…

Paranoia (PPD) ala Klaus Mikaelson

Entah kenapa tiba-tiba keinget tokoh utama di film The Originals, bagi lo yang suka film tentang vampire-vampiran pasti tau film ini. Si tokoh utama adalah Niklaus Mikaelson alias Klaus. Gatau kenapa gue concern sama karakteristiknya dia yang mengidap Paranoia Narcissistic, sebenarnya itu bukan sebuah penyakit, tapi memang karakteristik. Klaus yang semasa menajdi manusia bersifat sangat insecure, terbuang, dikucilkan dan selalu merasa sendiri berubah menjadi seorang Paranoia Narcissistic setelah bertransformasi menjadi vampire, yang dipercaya memunculkan semua sifat asli manusia itu sendiri dan memaksimalkannya. Klaus seorang yang tidak percaya dengan siapa pun, yang selalu merasa caranya menyelesaikan masalah adalah yang terbaik, termudah dan terefisien, seorang yang paling dibenci, punya banyak musuh dan tidak punya teman, temannya hanyalah kedua saudaranya dan satu orang yang dianggap seperti anaknya, tapi ketiga orang itu pun antara cinta dan benci dengan Klaus, sesekali mereka ingi…

benci

Kembali ke masa-masa sd saat kelas 2, ada satu cowo yang gue bnci banget banget banget, kenapa? Soalnya entah iseng atau apa, dia pernah numpahin air ke kepala gue. Setelah benci yang parah banget, akhirnya gue bisa bertingkah biasa aja disekitar dia, kita bisa duduk bareng lagi, main bareng lagi malah kadang ketawa bareng tapi seakan dia itu orang asing, ya lo gak harus kenalan secara pribadi kan untuk hanya saling duduk, senyum, ketawa, main dan lain-lain?
Beranjak ke kelas 5 atau 6 gitu, ada satu cowo juga yang super tengil dan gue benci banget banget banget, malah kita berdua pernah adu tampol, kenapa benci? Dia 2x ngebentak gue di depan umum, pertama dia bentak gue pas lagi main bola dan ngatain kalo cewek gak bisa ngapa-ngapain, and boom kita tampol-tampolan. Yang kedua pas gue kebagian duduk di meja dia (kan rolling tempat duduknya), dan mejanya penuh tip-x akhirnya gue ngapusin pake tiner, dan dia marah-marah sambil bentak-bentak gue di dalam kelas, akhirnya gue kesel gue tenda…